We Stare At Broken Clocks, The Hands Don't Turn Anymore.

I'm listening to songs on repeat.
I'm living in real time but I feel like I'm watching from afar.
Nothing seems real to me anymore, and nothing feels quite right.
I'm lost.
It's like I'm walking for walking's sake. Breathing because I have to, not because I want to.
I'm waiting for someone/something to pick me up.
But nothing seems to work anymore.
I don't think anything's worked since the day that I lost you.

The day I lost my pony, a part of me died with him.
I wouldn't eat and I wouldn't drink.
Shortly after he died I got diagnosed with depression and since then my life has been spiralling downwards.
Nothing kept me together like he did. I need him back more than anything.

Suicide Season is going round and round my head, and it's as if the lyrics almost relate to me and I don't quite know how.
Unless they relate to the loss of my pony. The most important thing in my life for years.
My rock. My child. My everything.

'If sorrow could build a staircase, if tears could show the way
I would climb my way to heaven, and bring him back again'