We Wrote A Prelude, To Our Own Fairytale...

Just got back from a week away in 'sunny' Porthleven, Cornwall. We were promised days of intermittent rain and sun, but sadly the only sunny day we had was yesterday which was our last day, and most of which I spent passed out on the beach with Alex, sunning myself and watching the lifeguards ;)

The week started out pretty good, the first service station we stopped at on the way down stocked chilli heatwave Dorritos so I was pretty damn happy in all fairness :) Got down to Cornwall and just chilled for the day if I remember correctly, it was pretty chill. Spent the rest of the week milling around the cottage/village/surrounding towns and beaches.

The actual place was stunning, we were right on this cliff edge type thing overlooking the sea, and you could see for miles to the left all the coast of Cornwall which was pretty west, and like on the right you could see all the harbour and the pier and it was proper proper beautiful. One night it was kinda stormy, and the weather whipped up these huge waves which were crashing up so high we were getting soaked by sea spray sitting on the cottage garden wall-I got some incredible photos which I'll probably shove up here at some point.

There was a good night at the Atlantic Inn when they had a quiz night and the Love family decided to join in for a laugh, we got terribly overexcited when they called our team name 2nd in the results until people started giving us weird looks and we realised that actually we were second to last and not as clever as we'd been stupidly led to believe. It was quite a funny evening in all fairness, with Mum thinking that Fillius Phogg (or however you spell his name) invented the hot air balloon and the plane or something, and Dad had to gently tell her 'Darling, Fillius Phogg went round the world in 80 days'; it cause great hilarity between me and Alex, almost as much as when Dad tried to tell us that Da Vinci had invented the hot air balloon, and then tried to pass it off as Michaelangelo until me and Alex casually informed him that both Michaelangelo and Da Vinci were Renaissance artists and he shut up abruptly. He also lost us an entire round of questions by telling us that the answer to a general knowledge question was 'a hotdog eating competition' despite the actual answer being 'American Idol' which got us slightly annoyed to say the least but it was all in good humour.

A trip to Helford was a bit difficult to say the least, threw me a little as it brought about lots of discussion of my Dad which is still a sore topic, and brought back lots of memories of happier times, so to tell the truth I was a bit down and had a bit of a cry and sorted myself out, which was probably the only dampner on the entire holiday. I cheered up that night though when a certain text came through on my phone which made me smile a lot :) Safe to say he was on my mind a fair bit that holiday.

Travelling back today however was not my idea of fun-we set off at 10.3o this morning and didn't get through the door until 7.30; 8 hours in the car gave me a very numb bum, a bad headache and an even worse mood but it's all sorted now except for the headache. Felt the need to write about this tonight though so I don't forget about it all-not that I think I would :)

And Still We Will Be Here; Standing Like Statues.

I deleted all the old blog posts on here. I didn't want to read them again, and I didn't want anyone else reading them and judging me, because they were all while I was in a really bad place with my illness. I'm a lot better at the moment, and I don't need to read things like that which are just going to drag me down again.

Lots has changed for me recently. I have a much more positive outlook on life, and I'm slowly beginning to become the person I want to be, rather than the person I hate. I feel more like a normal teenager now, certainly a lot less hampered by this illness than I was a few months ago. I'm beginning to see a future for myself, and I've found that I have a reason to be here; photography.

Two months ago, I didn't expect to be alive by now. I didn't think I'd make my 17th birthday this year. Hell, I should be in a coffin by now if it weren't for my Mum, and for my own self grimly hanging onto the last thread of hope each time I was about to end it, just in case things began to look up. I don't know what made me do it, and I don't know how I managed it, but I'm definately happy that I'm still here right now.

I'm still looking for someone lovely, sure, that guy is still on my mind and probably will be for a long time-he fucked with my head a lot more than necessary and at the end of the day I've seen him for what he really is. Although that still doesn't stop me looking on his facebook at his pictures on a fairly regular basis. I've met someone nice however, I'm beginning to get feelings for him, and to be quite honest, he hasn't been out of my head for a while now. I don't know if he feels the same though, and I'm almost scared to broach the subject with him, just incase it all goes tits up like it did earlier in the year with The Boy Who Won't Be Named. All I can say though, is that I hope I find someone soon, because I'd like someone to be here for me, and take care of me, and cuddle me at night when my dreams get scary.