And Still We Will Be Here; Standing Like Statues.

I deleted all the old blog posts on here. I didn't want to read them again, and I didn't want anyone else reading them and judging me, because they were all while I was in a really bad place with my illness. I'm a lot better at the moment, and I don't need to read things like that which are just going to drag me down again.

Lots has changed for me recently. I have a much more positive outlook on life, and I'm slowly beginning to become the person I want to be, rather than the person I hate. I feel more like a normal teenager now, certainly a lot less hampered by this illness than I was a few months ago. I'm beginning to see a future for myself, and I've found that I have a reason to be here; photography.

Two months ago, I didn't expect to be alive by now. I didn't think I'd make my 17th birthday this year. Hell, I should be in a coffin by now if it weren't for my Mum, and for my own self grimly hanging onto the last thread of hope each time I was about to end it, just in case things began to look up. I don't know what made me do it, and I don't know how I managed it, but I'm definately happy that I'm still here right now.

I'm still looking for someone lovely, sure, that guy is still on my mind and probably will be for a long time-he fucked with my head a lot more than necessary and at the end of the day I've seen him for what he really is. Although that still doesn't stop me looking on his facebook at his pictures on a fairly regular basis. I've met someone nice however, I'm beginning to get feelings for him, and to be quite honest, he hasn't been out of my head for a while now. I don't know if he feels the same though, and I'm almost scared to broach the subject with him, just incase it all goes tits up like it did earlier in the year with The Boy Who Won't Be Named. All I can say though, is that I hope I find someone soon, because I'd like someone to be here for me, and take care of me, and cuddle me at night when my dreams get scary.